


absolutely smitten

by electrictrashcan



Series: sick of losing soulmates [1]
Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, brian actually has like a bunch of em, brian has a crisis, the soulmate thing is that their entire world is the color of their soulmate's eyes until they meet, they are in loev
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 01:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20751809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrictrashcan/pseuds/electrictrashcan
Summary: Brian David Gilbert is ecstatic to meet his soulmate. The man is practically perfect, with a nice jock energy, a gorgeous face, and a job in Brian's dream field of work. What could possibly go wrong?





	1. handsome stranger

**Author's Note:**

> u know the drill if u or anybody u know is in this fic just go ahead and exit and also maybe exit this whole dang tag? u don't want this and i don't want this
> 
> this is a work of fiction and is in no way intended to represent the opinions or personalities of any real person(s)
> 
> title and most of the chapters named after dodie songs bc we stan

It was weird, knowing that he might see color for the first time not after looking into someone else’s eyes, with hues blooming across their face and bleeding into the air, swirling into an iridescent paint job that coated the world with love. Perhaps he had romanticized it, the idea of finally meeting the person he was going to spend the rest of his life with, but wasn’t that what Brian did best?

In his fear of accidentally finding his soulmate on some dating website, Brian stayed far away from Tinder and Grindr; of course, he had  _ needs _ , but he made do with half-drunk one-night-stands with burly men he found in sketchy bars who just wanted a twink to take home for the night to have their way with and never see again. He just didn’t see the point in dating properly; what did it matter when the face he woke up to each morning stayed resolutely monochrome? Why bother waking up with somebody if the relationship was destined to terminate? Sure, he could kid himself and wake up with the same girl every morning and pretend to see her lips in full color before pulling her into the kitchen to make out before breakfast, but the bitter taste her deep brown lips left in the back of his throat wasn’t worth it.

And so, Brian David Gilbert was determined, in his own strange and quiet way, to find his soulmate. Jonah had insisted that it would come naturally, not to worry about it, but  _ he _ didn’t have a search in the same way Brian did. Jonah just had to find somebody who also hadn’t been assigned a soulmate. Laura was supportive in her own way, introducing him to guys who she knew were his type and offering to wingman for him at the bars where he and Jonah would pick up gigs.

It wasn’t ideal, but Brian was young. And patient. Okay, so he wasn’t patient at all, but there was somebody out there - some deep brown eye’d boy or girl - who was waiting to meet him, and he had to find them.

\-----

He was sitting with his head between his knees, shaking. The crying had passed, but his jaw was still locked and trembling, while Laura cooed and pressed a gentle hand against his back. She knew that the best thing to do was to let him come down himself; there was still shock in his system and his eyes were still squeezed shut.

Panic attacks were rough, but each of the Gilberts knew how to deal with them. Janet left the house, usually, because otherwise she would hover, insisting that Laura update her on Brian’s status. Laura would pry his tight fists away from his hair and make him breathe with her, letting him rock but only to the rhythm. Moose always knew, and he would curl up next to Brian as he came down from an attack.

Laura was still making quiet shushing noises as Brian gently let his brow unfurl. His heart was still sputtering and he was shaken and exhausted, but the worst of it was over.

Laura wrapped him in a hug from where she sat, and whispered “doin’ okay, buddy?”

Brian nodded silently, and the moment Laura let go he was standing up numbly and shuffling to grab his phone, brain on autopilot. She squeezed his hand once as he turned to leave, and he gave her a wane smile as he trooped to his room to watch YouTube and cry, probably.

Moose trotted obediently behind as Brian slid into his room and onto his bed without turning on any lights, booting up his laptop to watch something that would keep his brain occupied just enough to block the bad thoughts out. It was certainly a way of coping.

Monster Factory was his go-to. The McElroy brothers had a way of shaking the cobwebs from Brian’s mind, lessening the echoing leftovers of an attack just a little bit.

As he settled into his comforter and hit a random video to start with, an unfamiliar voice began speaking. Brian checked the title of the video to make sure he hadn’t misclicked:  _ MONSTER MANIA _ , it read.  _ Huh. _

The new voice introduced itself as ‘Patrick Gill’ before the usual chaos of the two brothers filled his headphones. Brian hadn’t watched this episode before; looking at the upload date it was about a month old. In moments, he felt himself chuckling out loud - this Pat person brought a different energy that contrasted with the Mcelroys, but in a good way.

The video was over 40 minutes long, and Brian found himself transfixed by it. He loved all of the Mcelroy brothers’ content but something about the deadpan, crisp, announcer-like voice of Patrick had him proverbially rolling, especially when juxtaposed to the giggles and wheezes of Justin and Griffin.

Autoplay rolled over to a new video: not Monster Factory, surprisingly. Usually once Brian started watching a Monster Factory, YouTube locked him into a McElroy spiral, not that he was upset. Instead, he watched as a shaky handheld camera panned up to a man waving and introducing himself as Patrick Gill before pointing to a picture of Toad. The red of the cartoon’s cap surprised Bria-

_ Fuck. _

_ Toad is red and white. _

Brian slammed his laptop shut and squeezed his eyes shut as his head began to pound.

_ Fuck this. This can’t be happening to him right now. _

Moose, surprised from Brian’s sudden, frantic movement, had woken up and bumped his curly golden head against Brian’s shoulder.

“Moose! You’re golden!” Brian cried, voice wavering from lack of use and shock.

Panicked, Brian scrambled out of bed and nearly face-planted crossing his room to open his curtains. The shock of  _ green _ knocked the breath out of him, and he fell back into his blue -  _ blue  _ \- comforter.

Brian was shaking; he could feel it. Slowly, carefully, he opened his laptop again and signed in, the video auto-playing the moment it loaded. Putting on his headphones slowly and without looking, Brian stared, transfixed, at this strange, serious-looking man who was speaking emphatically about getting Nintendo to retweet some picture of Toad, which at further observation, had the legs and diaper of a man.

He paused the video. Sat for a moment. Stared, slack-jawed at Patrick, mid-word, appearing to look back. Buried his face into his palms and started weeping again.

Laura’s voice caught him by surprise. “-you doing, stomping all around like you’re dying?

“Brian, are you  _ crying _ ?”

In a flash Laura had her arms around him, rocking with him and murmuring empty words of positivity.

Brian looked up at her and grinned, weakly, still trembling. “I-”

Laura kept an arm on his shoulder and turned to look at him.

“I think I can see colors now, Laura.”

Her squeal was expected, but the anticipation made it no less painful. Brian covered his ears.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’m just so  _ excited,  _ Bri! Wait.”

Her brow furrowed.

“How did you find them?”

Brian gestured vaguely towards his computer screen. Laura took a moment to realize what he meant before effusing: “Is your soulmate a  _ celebrity _ ?”

Brian shrugged noncommittally.

“I mean, he’s a video producer for a journalism company in New York?” he replied, caution turning his sentence into a question.

Laura laughed in that full way she did, head thrown back and hands wrapped around her belly.

“So what you’re telling me is that we have to move to New York and find your bae?”

Brian, finally recovering from the shock via Laura’s ridiculous antics, snorted and shoved her lightly.


	2. you have turned (my) insides into jelly

They were moving to New York. Brian and Laura and, of course, Jonah. The latter had insisted that he was fine in Baltimore, but Brian was insistent.  _ Jonah, you’re my rock, _ he had said.  _ Who else am I supposed to make stupid songs with? _

Jonah had responded with a pained look in his eyes, but Brian was quick to brush it off. He was just worried about moving away from home. Brooklyn was a big city, and Brian understood how intimidating it was. He decided to brush it off, though. Jonah seemed excited to live and work with his best friend and practically adopted older sister.

The job opening came quickly. Brian knew his chances of getting it were slim, but this is why he was here. Pat Gill was why he was here. So he applied. He worked his ass off on an impressive cover letter and he waited. He waited, and prayed, and kept doing gigs at the local coffee shop with Jonah that certainly didn’t pay enough.

Then finally, finally. The email blipped. Tara Long, Polygon.com.

_ It is with great pleasure that I inform you that you’ve been accepted for the position as Video Producer. Your first day will be next Monday, and an assigned mentor will help you learn the ropes and begin work. The team looks forward to working with you going forward. _

Brian whooped, then promptly burst into tears. He heard thumping as Jonah tore into the living room, alarmed.

Shouting unintelligibly, Brian careened into Jonah’s arms.

“I GOT IT! I got the job!”

Jonah hugged back and gave him a wide smile. “Knew you could do it, dude!”

Brian was already across the room again, swooping up his phone and speed-dialing Laura. The excitement was palpable, Brian’s energy expanding to fill every crevice of the house. They got dinner in celebration, Brian insisting that he paid, and the three of them were swept back into the apartment, tipsy, giggling, and high on leftover adrenaline.

The next Monday was a whirlwind. Brian had chosen the loudest outfit he owned, because what’s the point of first impressions if they’re not big? Besides, he wanted the first colors Pat ever saw to be shocking. He wanted to be shocking.

Brian was vibrating with excitement and nerves by the time he arrived at the office. As preoccupied as he was about seeing Pat for the first time, he was also worried about what the rest of the team would think of him. He’d seen most of them from videos, and though he expected to have good chemistry with everyone, he still harbored quiet worries.

After what felt like the world’s longest elevator ride, the door slid open to reveal Brian’s new workplace. It was open and well-lit, with desks pushed together and colorful spots where plushies lived next to computers and atop tables. Just as he stepped into the room, the woman he knew to be Tara was bustling up to him, her severe gaze melting into a small but genuine smile as she approached him.

“Hi! Brian!”

_ Where is he, _

“We’re all so excited to have you on the team!”

_ Where the fuck, _

“I’m sure you know, but my name’s Tara and it’s a pleas-”

Brian wasn’t listening anymore. He’d locked eyes with Patrick. The other man was raking a hand through his hair and pulling at the hem of his shirt.

It didn’t matter, anyway. Tara was calling him over.

Brian watched in careful awe as Pat made his way to the front of the office. He was tall and broad, which Brian knew from videos, but they couldn’t capture the stoicism with which Pat carried himself, or the way his skinny jeans hugged his legs. He was wearing combat boots - who knew Brian had a thing for boys in combat boots? - and his stubble was especially short.

Brian was, of course, madly head-over-heels.

“-is Pat Gill, one of our video producers.”

As if he didn’t know.

“He’s gonna show you around!”

Brian smiled and nodded at Tara, before grinning cheerily at Pat.

“Hi Pat. I’m Brian.”

He carefully measured out each syllable, careful not to sound too excited.

Why hadn’t Pat reacted when seeing him? He’d only been there when a handful of people had seen their soulmate for the first time, but each was an intense and visceral reaction. Pat seemed nervous, but not like his entire world had recolored. Did Brian have the wrong person? Did Pat have two soulmates? That could happen, he supposed.  _ Fuck _ .

_ Rein it in, Gilbert. _

“It’s nice to meet you!”

Brian internally cringed as he heard his own voice, just a little too chipper to feel authentic.

Pat offered him a small smile before reaching out for a handshake. “Nice to meet you too. I’m excited to work with you.”

Brian could be reading this whole situation wrong. Pat didn’t seem too keen on Brian, hardly returning his gaze - maybe he was just as nervous as Brian was.

He let his hand stay in Pat’s for just a moment longer than needed; even if he had fucked up royally and Pat couldn’t see his fluorescent outfit, a little flirting never hurt anybody, right?

The moment Pat pulled away from the handshake, he turned on a heel and began walking, not looking back to see if Brian was following behind. Brian, of course, was following behind.

He knew pretty much everyone at Polygon by name; if they’d been in a video with Pat, he recognized them. Allegra had the most memorable introduction: Pat indicated toward her with his chin, Brian waved nervously, and she came to life as though shot from a cannon: “Hi! It’s so great to meet you! I’ve heard  _ so _ much about you,” - Brian swore he saw her wink at Pat - “and I’m really excited to work with you!”

Brian cocked his head ever so slightly at that.  _ Heard so much about from him? From whom? _

Maybe Simone. They had engaged in the strangest online conversation Brian had ever experienced that morning, and she seemed like the type.

Allegra - or Legs, as Pat insisted everyone called her - pulled Brian into a hug, which he gladly accepted. Glancing past Legs’ shoulder, he saw Pat’s reddening face, before the other man turned away.

“Let’s see Simone next,” Pat fumbled out.

Allegra pulled away from the hug and planted her hands on Brian’s shoulders. “Be nice to him. He startles easily.” She winked, this time right at him.

He didn’t have time to fully process what she had said to him before he was whisked away to greet Simone. She was, as he expected, loud and brash and dressed in a way that would have been gaudy on anybody else. Brian wondered whether Pat could see the shimmering navy of Simone’s faux velvet blouse the same way that he could.

Naturally, Pat stayed by his side for most of the day. Brian was still learning the ropes, after all. Pat’s consistent closeness to him didn’t  _ mean _ anything.

_ God,  _ Brian had to get out of his own head.


	3. look at how he's smiling

The day moved quickly, what with first day forms and getting accustomed to Slack. Lunch was upon them before Brian knew it, and Pat was waiting by Brian’s desk when he looked up from where he was writing his signature for the umpteenth time.

“Wanna grab lunch? Or, I dunno if you brought your own or…” Pat scratched the back of his neck and ducked his head, clearly flustered. This was the most genuine Brian had seen him to this point.

“Sure!” He wasn’t going to  _ turn down _ a lunch with Patrick Gill. The two made their way to the cafeteria, satchel slung over Brian’s shoulder. It was nearly empty, with only Clayton eating alone in a corner.

“It’s not usually this empty,” Pat stated gruffly, answering Brian’s question before he even had time to ask it.

“You can sit anywhere; I’m gonna get something to eat.”

Brian found a seat close enough to Clayton that he could smile and wave at him, but not close enough that he felt intrusive. Clayton waved back, returning his grin.

Brian decided that he liked Clayton.

Pat returned with a plate full of what just looked like a stack of pizza slices. Brian supposed that it was on-brand, if not terrible for his cardiovascular system.

Dropping his head to hide his smile at the pizza, Brian reached for his satchel and pulled out his lunchbox. It was a dinky metal square box with a picture of Megaman embossed on the front, old enough to be considered an antique at this point. Laura, ever the best sister he could ask for, had packed it for him that morning. Flipping the box onto the table, Brian unlatched it and pulled from on top of his food a pink sticky note.

_ Have a good first day at work sweetie! <3 _

Brian grinned. Laura was incredible.

It occurred to him, suddenly, that Pat might be able to read the note and think it was from his  _ mom _ or something ghastly.

Brian let himself chuckle: “Oh! Uh, my sister… She loves to embarrass me like this.”

Pat smiled at that. Brian felt a blush rise on his cheeks, and let it happen. Demure, he could play.

Scratching his neck and flashing a small smile, Brian continued, “I think it’s an older sibling thing.”  
Pat’s chuckle was a relief - they both _knew_ he was a jabroni, but if Pat found it endearing, it would be okay.

“It’s fine, Brian. It’s…” Pat hesitated. “Kinda cute.”

It was Pat’s turn to blush, Brian noticed.

“I’ll let her know! She’ll be happy to know someone other than me enjoys them!”

Brian was carefully peeling away aluminum foil to reveal a peanut butter and jelly which, sure, was juvenile, but knowing that Laura had put it together for him gave him a sense of comfort and grounding in what she’d known, (as she always does,) was going to be a stressful day for him.

He glanced up to see Pat focused on his own meal, looking uninterested in continuing the conversation. That was just fine. Brian used this opportunity to study the man sitting across from him. His long, dark hair fell in front of his eyes as he maintained his dropped gaze. Brian would be lying if he said he didn’t want to run his hands through it - it looked soft, was all. Pat had weirdly long eyelashes, not that Brian was complaining. His posture was terrible - Brian found himself correcting his own just from watching Pat’s slouch. His red flannel was rolled to his elbows - he had nice arms, and wrists, and -

“Y’know,”

Pat didn’t speak particularly loudly, but the contrast between the silence that previously filled the cafeteria made Brian jump.

“I really liked your, uh,” Pat looked about as unprepared to carry a conversation as Brian felt. “Your video. It was my favorite one-”

It took exactly four seconds for Brian to realize what video Pat meant, absorb the ramifications of that, and lose his absolute shit in the cafeteria of his new place of work.

Well, in his head, that is. Physically, Brian mostly flailed, nearly toppling his chair in an attempt to stand, righting himself, and pulling at his hair in an attempt to ground himself. Fucking… He wasn’t  _ upset _ , but of course Pat had seen him before. Of course Pat could see him in all of his colors, because of  _ course _ Pat had watched his stupid cover letter.

Brian saw Clayton leave out of the corner of his eye, and stopped himself from laughing out loud. His consistent ability to be the most disruptive person in a room at any given time seemed to be going strong into the new job.

_ Fuck.  _ Brian was an idiot. He’d really gone the entire morning thinking Pat had A. the best poker face under the sun or B. Pat wasn’t his soulmate. Brian buried his face in his hands.

It occurred to him that he’d never actually responded in any coherent fashion. As if on cue, Patrick filled the panicked silence: “Brian?”

Brian ran his fingers through his hair again, refusing to meet the other man’s eyes.

“Are you alright?”

Brian just stared at him. Fucking hell. This was not how he expected this to go down. To be fair, in his head, he and Pat had made eye contact, Pat’s world had burst into a flare of colors, highlighted by Brian’s loud outfit, they had instantly recognized each other as soulmates, they’d run at each other in slo-mo a la every romcom ever, et cetera.

Yeah, this was a lot more of a realistic outcome.

Brian still hadn’t sueded any of Pat’s fears. Looking up, he answered eloquently, “Uh.”

Pat just stared at him, confusion clear behind his dark eyes.

“Uh, thank you,” Brian clarified.

_ Jesus Christ, Gilbert. You’re a theatre kid, for god’s sake. Get it together. _

Brian blushed, before gathering his thoughts properly. He would worry about the implications of all of this later.

“No, really! Thank you! I’m really glad you liked it! I just didn’t realize you had seen it. Kinda caught me by surprise, I guess.”

Realization passed across Patrick’s face.

“So, uh. How do you like the orange?” Brian kicked a leg out to showcase the shoes in question. It wasn’t that he still had doubts -

Okay, he was paranoid, sure. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. Gauge Pat’s interest in his gaudy fashion sense, and make sure he wasn’t about to make a fool of himself in front of somebody that was distinctly not his soulmate.

“They’re… Bright. They match your shirt?” Pat looked genuinely flustered at the change in tone of the conversation. And possibly by Brian’s outfit. Most people were.

Well. Patrick Gill was his soulmate, he supposed.

Now what? Nowhere but up, as it were.

“So…  _ soulmate, _ ” - Brian drew out the word, tasting the syllables and feeling how it sounded on his tongue - “thoughts on…” - he pursed his lips as though in thought - “Waluigi?”

Pat sputtered.

Brian winked deliberately.

Pat blushed deeply.

Okay, now Brian was getting a read on the guy. This was going to be fun.

**Author's Note:**

> yeet it is the third of three welcome to the unequal soulmates triumverate of pain they just get real sad a bunch
> 
> dw the angst is coming


End file.
